Friday, July 16, 2004
Well I haven’t written for a while but I have some things that I really need to get off my chest. For the last few days Elder L. has been really distant from me. I guess it all started a few days ago when I was in the cafeteria. None of the meals really sounded good so I went for some sandwich that had fries with it. I purposefully took a plate with a lot of fries because really that was all I wanted. I went to the table and I set down my tray and went to get a drink. When I came back half of my fries were gone. I asked who had taken them and of course no one answered. I took the fries and put them back on my plate and didn’t eat any more of them but instead got a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. I guess they all thought that I was being immature about it because that one incident has capitulated into my having fewer and fewer friends in my district. Elder Lewis hasn’t said more than 12 words to me for the last three days and I don’t feel any love or support from him anymore.
Today during companionship study I asked him if we could do a companionship inventory. He begrudgingly assented and we started. I didn’t really say much at all because he talked for about twenty minutes about how I didn’t do anything right, how I was a hypocrite, how he really didn’t like me at all, how he has zero respect for me, how the rest of the Elders have zero respect for me etc… I felt awful after he was done because I had no idea that he felt that way. I wish he’d have told me sooner that he had problems so that I could fix them before it was too late to fix any problems I have caused or feelings that I’ve hurt.
I really try my hardest but I don’t think I’ve had a leadership calling yet where I’ve been respected by those I lead. Overall this day has been really really crappy.
Wow, I never heard any of this… I had one thought – the missionaries who did things _right_, I mean always made the decision to keep the rules, etc, always seemed to be looked down on by the majority. I like to think there were some who appreciated them for it, though.