Monday, March 7, 2005

I’ve been doing a lot of pondering and thinking today and a lot of self-evaluation. My relationship with Elder Cox is still stretched at best. I often find myself angry or upset at him because of what he does or says. For instance, he has this bad habit of always spitting. It isn’t befitting a servant of the Lord to always be spitting just because of discomfort. I want to just tell him to stop but I’m afraid that he will get upset with me and it will just hurt the companionship even more. The same things happens with his Tagalog. Also sometimes I get the feeling that he is just waiting for me to leave and then things will start going right. For example, when we are planning I will often suggest what should be done and he will blatantly say that it isn’t right and that we should instead do his idea. I’ve given up giving my ideas because they always get blasted down. I don’t’ know what to do. I want to be friends with him but it just doesn’t work. It’s probably just me being proud again. Pride is probably one of my worst faults. I am always thinking of myself and then when I think that I’ve recognized pride in myself I feel proud again because I’ve done something that most people can’t do. It is just one big vicious cycle that I can’t seem to get out of. I think that I’ll talk with President Beck about this later on this week.